Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I have never been patient. I have preoccupied myself with things or games but never have i ever actually been patient while waiting or when denied something I want. Even though my parents woud say to me, What patience! when referring to how calm i appeared when sitting quietly while my brother and sister misbehaves. What they didn't know or chose to ignore was that when something did bother me i hid it. Also i would distract myself, which they had no way of noticing, because i did it in my mind. I would imagine monsters destroying the city and a superhero fighting them. I never saw the end of the fight because i made it so that they can continue entertaining me. It was all in my head placed over reality. Pictures real enough for me to see within daylight. I borrowed them from tv shows, movies and video  games. I brought them to life and i made the main character my savior or guardian.
Back to the point on hand. I now realize that they were wrong (my parents) that i was not a patient boy but a detached one. And when something did upset me, which in some cases can be called the very definition of impatience, i would remove myself from the world by leaving (living) in my head. The way i would handle academic assignments, since i was impatient during such times, i would treat them as games and i would expect the reward of getting A's. It was an energetic high i induced. Literally. When working i would get a frantic feeling sometimes and would work fast. When i knew in order to succeed i had to read or work slowly i would slow down. But it was all done within the goal of succeeding and getting those A's. Each time, each test, each homework i felt a combination of relief of stress with one of intoxication. Otherwise, if i didn't do this, i would not do the work. Im impatient. I need to get want i want, which is energy. Which i get from video games, tv, movies, viral videos, joking with friends, making out with lovers, or being close to family. And of course, winning.
Im ready to change, are you? This is a sad story, sad because its pathetic and pointless and torture-some. I choose to be patient. I choose life as me as who i am as my entire experience of me. All is me. I choose freedom.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Black children

           On my desktop, there is a picture of black children looking at me. I found it on the web and i decided to put is as my desktop image of my computer to remind me about life, that life spans any color and any form. I remember how when i was younger i public school i sometimes would confuse one person for another because in my eyes they looked the same. They were minorities. Later on i learned in psychology that the human brain is able to differentiate people easier after enough exposure. They showed this with a few studies on people that were white that could differentiate blacks better than whites and vice versa. So i know that this mistake that all blacks look alike is due to not knowing very many blacks. And also when other people associate all blacks are poor or criminal is because they don't know very many who aren't. It also has to do with fear, because its harder to get to know someone when your afraid of them. Its a vicious cycle. Parents become afraid they keep their kids away from others. Kids are afraid. Kids grow up.
I could cite thousands of reasons why its stupid to be afraid but being afraid of life is good enough reason to stop oneself from being afraid. Whatever you could be afraid of as something you can point to as something real, is life. Death is life too. There is no exception. All is life and guess what you're it too. Life life life. Life has no opposite because there's no else but life.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

hi again

I have something i need to say.I was busy adding more blogs to the 'blogs i like' tab and everytime i add a blog i check the blog out. So i was checking Cerise's which was very cool. Then i went to add Christophe's when i got a reaction immediatly. It were very desperate moments. I had trouble breathing and the straing in the pit of my stomach was getting worse. I made sure to read it. But then i found myself to not really being paying attention to the words of the self-forgiveness, specifically. I immediatly identified this reaction as fear. I was afraid of this website, or so it appeared. So i tried forgiving. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid. I could tell that something was not right because there was not even a slight relief. So i did the same, i said it too quickly. I whispered out loud, because when it gets stuck sometimes, the words, inside. So this forgiveness worked as i was more specific reading the name of the blog, forgiving me for being afraid of it. There was slight relief, which is too subtle to notice, or perhaps i was not paying close attention. But i knew it worked, inside of me. I eventually realized im afraid of so many desteni things. That fear has engulfed and anger too. I also realize that i had created this and this was my responsibility. So as i look at desteni material i will self-forgive.
I had always been afraid for reading another's self forgiveness. Sometimes i would hope it would change me. But it has no special powers. I realzie that im the real powerhouse here. The physical as me anyway. I can use the physical as me to change and become physical, because of equality. You are equal to what you participate in. Mind or body? choose. Lol. No contest.
thanks for reading

My mom likes to watch Rachel Maddow.

I have been watching the news recently on tv. My mom likes to watch Rachel Maddow. The 99& percent movement has been going on for 1 month now. My mom's very enthusiatic about it. From my perspective they will sadly achieve nothing. Because they don't have a solution. If they were given power to decide what will happen, waht can they say? The funny thing, which is also sad, is that there has also been people negativley affected/neglected by this very system. Poeple are probly to scared to change, let alone think of it. Children are really good at thinking of new ways and of ways to change things. But soon after they lose it due to the schooling process. Equal money is the answer. No need to waste time discussing. Starting considering for yourself. What is the best way to live for life? Together. How will we treat each others? Equally. How will get the things we need? With Money. Who will work? everyone. Why? the reasons are endless and to ask why is pointless, because look at your life, do you ask why you live or work or eat? The real question, now that's settled, is how to achieve what's best.
Support the progress to perfection
Support Equal Money

Monday, October 17, 2011

Hi reader

I support an equal money system because its the safest, fastest and best move for transition. Because humans need to change and they need a platform or base to change from. Like any child, we need support. Redistribution of wealth is not any kind of a solution. A real solution is a change of base or structure of living. We could change the money to the value of life and so be supported everyone. We could live happily free of stress, etc...
How we get there is by voting. And then standing as a willing participant in such a system of equality. We all will need to give so that the youth may learn of what it means to be life to be equal. Its simple. Just stand. Breath and go for it.

Friday, October 7, 2011

I would like to start off by describing the mind, because it will support me in identifying and stopping the mind. To start right off the bat, the mind has its own way of doing things and does not care for the well being of myself and others. Saying this makes me angry at the mind, but when i look at it, the mind is not in position to care about what it does. It just does things according to its systems that i have accepted and allowed and even was an active participant in. And this makes me angry too, which shows who i am really angry at, myself. Because i am responsible in the end for what the mind supposedly did. It was really me who do it, really. Even though it was a passive acceptance. I forgive myself for being angry at myself for what the mind did. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for having been an active participant in creating the systems of the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the mind for the actions I carried out and lived as myself for all of my life. I take responsibility now, once and for all and do it happily as me.


Hi, I want to make this blogpost inorder to place before me in writing how i was behaving and experiencing myself tonight. To summarize tonight, i read a quarter of a philosophy paper on Science, baked a key lime pie, picked up my sister from school, and finally played a football video game with my cousin who unexpectedly dropped by. My original intention for reading an essay from my philosophy of science book was to have something to write about. While reading the introduction of a chapter i found it easy enough and was surprised by that fact. Though im not able to remember what the subject was exactly. I only remember it was on scientific laws and the degree to which we know them as true. Are they necessary or contingent? Stuff like that. There are many authors in this chapter but the one that provoked me to read was Cartwright. He claimed that all scientific laws are false since they do not accurately make true statements of reality due to their descriptive nature. Scientific laws are very simplified view holes of the way things are. They intend to explain things by creating a simple law which never alone can account for the reality of things. So in this way they lose the whole picture, more bluntly the actual picture. Not a single thing can be described alone by a law as we have it. This is a reflection of how human beings currently think. They try to simplify their world at the cost of living outside of the reality of the situation of things.

  I started with my pie making and prepared the crust I made on oil based pastry crust. It worked out better then i could ever hope for. I never made a pastry crust of oil before and normally (normally in the sense of when i used to bake pies 4 years ago) i used shortening to make the flaky pastry crust, we know and love. I made rad apple pies years ago. Tonight i made my first ever key-lime pie. I made several mistakes. One was out of ignorance which i only realized by chance. When beating egg yolk i was supposed to do it on high for 5 min. Instead I had beaten it like a egg for breakfast. My other mistake was carelessness. When beating egg whites, if a single speck of fat is present then it won't whip. I used a dirty mixer that had oil present. So i ruined the meringue. I never enjoyed cooking. I only ever did it for the food. And the taste. It was reason enough for this pie. I also do it sometimes for others as a sign of love, my grandma for example.

I picked up my sister today since my mom was so tired. Tonight was my third time driving out today. Night driving is more difficult. My cousin tagged along so i had to pay careful attention to not be distracted. The driving went alright the first turn i made though i over calculated it. When we got home i eventually played three matches all in which he whipped my butt. I got angry in the third game. I wasn't angry at him i was angry at me. When i forgave myself, however, i played better. Self anger is not productive.
Thanks for reading,

Thursday, October 6, 2011

No one can take this away from me...

Hi, so this is a blog post after a long absence from blogging. I blog to assist me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the most of each day. I need to blog consistently to support my-self and others too. I realize now, the power of my blogging and words. Because my words are very powerful. They are statements i live by. Just in the same way i have done things which i have and still regret and the actions thereof cannot be erased, my words too stand. I would recommend blogging to anyone and everyone.
       One thing i regret doing is never having the courage to tell a friend the feelings i experienced when with her. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to tell a person i experienced feelings when around this person. This was a grave act of self-dishonesty. And now its corrected. I am no longer afraid of saying what i experienced in a moment to another person. Though it will never be a direct reason for entering an agreement with someone, having feelings for him/her. The statement i made, i intend to live it fully, that is what makes it an act of self-honesty. If i fail to live it, meaning i do not correct myself through action and self-forgiveness, that i do not completely live it as a changed me, then i will be self-dishonest.
      I have been studying Portuguese recently. I spent a time in Brazil with family living there and I have a book with me to study grammar. I also have been looking at an English grammar book. To better understand the language structurally. I am afraid of having a poor structure in writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having a poor structure or no structure in writing at all. I have reworked my tendency to produce ambiguous sentences or sentences that run off or cut off. Mainly i would make passive sentences. Which is fine in some contexts when i intend the meaning in that way. But it is not fine when i do not intend it or the reader does not receive my intention. Here's a quick tip: when writing or speaking English the subject of a sentence always come first so that: The bird flew over the house. The subject is 'bird.' The predicate is 'flew'. I tended to say things passively, meaning i would say things such as: the house was flown over by the bird. I have made the decision to change the way i speak, and even look so as to accommodate society so that they are willing to give me a chance to be heard in the way i intended to be. The message of equality is a message spoken and written in a language and we are bound by the language. We also can create a new language and learn to speak passively or actively. I simply am becoming aware of how to best use English to best express me.  So in any English sentence the subject comes first. The 'house' becomes the subject and 'was' becomes the predicate. Here is something worth sharing. When i spoke of equality in Spanish or Portuguese, it seemed i made more sense. This may be because i was using words that were not programmed with altered definitions like in English, but i was speaking purely with the simple words i had. As we become zombified as kids, we create very emotional ways of speaking and we use words to create reactions within us or others. Because i learned a language in college and because i was applying some lessons from what i learned of desteni vids I applied learning words as sound as me. I would learn a word through the sound of the word and would allow it to resonate as me here. In essence i created it pure or as it really is. So this is what i need to do with English words. To clean up the dirt that i created which is our emotions and feelings. Which is energy. Which is very limited and compressed/suppressed me.
I am the key to the lock that is me.
Locked within a mind.
I will no longer be just a mind living for energy.
My action is a key so is my breath.