Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A year long lesson on feelings (memory)

Before I made the commitment to ask Kattje out I had second thoughts and worries. Was I doing the right thing? Was it simply a point of desire? These worries are emotions. Later when I decided to go through with it I was happy and excited. I made a card for her and I also “overcame” my doubts. I was gonna be committed to her and committed to standing as myself in the relationship. These statements of commitments and feelings were feelings. We were existing in a really unusual side of polarity. I stood as feelings, I stood as energy. I did not realize this until now some year and half later. During the time I did feel that something was imbalanced and I tried to voice my concern with her. But the problem was I did not know what the problem was. This situation was very unusual and I have not been in this situation before. Previously I had existed highly in emotions, which were obvious. Emotions just seem more noticeable and in a way more undesirable. Feelings seemed to me to be the right way to go. But its not, its still polarity and thus suppresses emotions which I still experience over 6 months later after the breakup. Feelings are the deceptive side of energy. At least emotions are clear, like the demons. Feelings act just like the white light, it is highly deceptive and I recommend everyone to be extremely careful. No one is existing as life because no one can stand infinitely yet. This is certainly a wake up call. I have much I could right on the feelings I have participated even within Desteni material. I honestly did not know or had I good idea what feelings were. I knew they included love and happiness. But I had not seen where I explicitly participate in this point and the actual experience of me as feelings. This I recommend to be noticed by everyone. The experience of feelings was very surprising for me. I had not considered these experiences as feelings previously but after a week of being in Miami and after several experience online in facebook and youtube, I had been able through what the desteniiprocess course says on feelings and emotions, which is the polarity design of emotions and feelings, I could see where I had participated previously in a emotion but then a feeling arose after. 
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize i have been participating in the polarity design of feelings and emotions all my life.
I must stop feelings not just emotions.

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