Wednesday, March 30, 2011

This is for others to know where I am coming from.

Before the summer of 2009 I was determined to become an enlightened being. I would meditate extensively and try to stop my ego. What resulted from a very intense period of meditation in the spring was intense conflict. I had many unusual experiences leading up to and during this time. For one thing i started manifesting an intuition, a physical one. It has been supporting me for some time now. It started in 2008. How it came about is pretty funny now that i remember it.  I went to a healing session with a woman who sees angels. She had some music playing with the lights dimmed low and i was laying down. She said i was really concerned about my family in a protective sense, and that a had blocked up feeling within me, one of justice. She also said i had like a "net" over my heart. All this made sense with my life, though i was not astounded. Now comes the freaky part, she started healing me and said that I had a tall angel and three old men dressed well. That's not the freaky part. She asked whether i would give them permission to be part of my life, to help. That they needed my permission. At some point i heard a whooshing sound, exactly like a singing bowl. It was really loud so i had an impression that i only could hear it, conjoined with feeling my "chakra" opening.

Before continuing, i want to go back to why chose that path, why I thought I needed to. My parents taught me to meditate. For a while, every Sunday, we would sit and they would guide us. Sometimes we listened to a tape recording of Eckhart Tolle and other times they would play music. I used meditation to runaway, by using it to deal with problems. Basically my world sucked. I didn't fit well in this world, with the people in it. The times i was most happy was with people. Mainly because i was deprived of them, i figured. So i had a few key friends. Some left. Others stayed longer. I was content having them around. I think the main problem was that i wanted everyone to like me, or want me, or to be popular. This is really complicated shit. I enjoyed having everyone's attention, but how i was also staged fright, so to speak. I remember feeling good when they were friendly to me.  I never took responsibility for what i was. I was quiet, judgmental, shallow, scared, afraid, annoying, and wanting to be more than others. I had a very strong desire to beat a video game and watch tv programs. School was complicated, some years I

This was all according to terminology i received from Eckhart Tolle which my parents introduced m

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