tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18962895617207078932024-03-19T05:16:46.789-07:00Hi my name is Yogan Barrientos.Welcome to my blog. I write on my daily life and my experiences.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-71832021306373019932013-03-30T19:09:00.001-07:002013-03-30T19:09:37.690-07:00Looking closer (losing)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;"><br />"When
I would come home from school everyday, I would have two hours of free time to
relax. My mom supported me to have this free time and would say this is your
time to relax from school and perhaps eat a snack.' (I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to blame my mom for providing the conditions with
which I could have some free time to relax. I notice now, why I am forgive
myself for what my mom did, there was nothing to forgive here. Instead I notice
I am judging myself as bad for having a comfortable life and having opportunity
and chance to grow and succeed. Within reading these words I am
believing/fearing I am a liar. When I did have a comfortable life, and plenty of
opportunity and chance to grow and succeed. There is nothing bad or wrong with
growing and succeeding and using the opportunities you have available to you,
even when others don’t have it, it doesn’t mean not accepting the opportunity
will help them, in fact accepting the opportunity will empower me to help them
more than if I did not accept it. Within this last sentence, I feared not
really supporting them, or going to support them, that I am really selfish
underneath it all. I feel if I say I am selfish, this is what I will live. I am
selfish. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept and allow
myself to be selfish. Now I am looking at how I still need to care for me and
have regard for me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
care for me and love me for real by being committed to myself through and through,
no matter what situation I am in.) (I <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>feel tired now, and have a pressure in my
head. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I am evil, I am selfish</i>. I
choose to no longer <span style="background: yellow; mso-highlight: yellow;">fear
being evil or selfish</span> because if I am evil and selfish, I can just
forgive myself for being evil and selfish- simple. While writing the
highlighted portion, I felt a pain in my left forearm, I thought <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
accepting and allowing abuse, for myself to be selfish and evil, I am accepting
and allowing selfishness and evil.</i> I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing selfishness and evil. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to not care for all as one and equal. There is no point in listening to
a thought. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to listen to my
thoughts. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my thoughts to define who
I am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing this world to define who I
am. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing anyone to define who I am. I
define me, always. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing pains to direct
me, as if there are trustworthy and have inside information into who I am,
while all the while I am accepting and allowing thought, pictures, feeling and emotions
to define who I am. Why did I do this? Why? I thought I wasn’t good enough. I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am not good enough.
II thought I am really evil. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to think I am really evil. I feared that another thought I was evil. I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing someone/anyone. I stand
up now to assist and support myself and life as myself, even if that means I
may lose people along the way.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-12235074529051702862013-02-24T14:13:00.001-08:002013-02-24T14:15:00.500-08:00Self Forgiveness<style>
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I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to think I have to do a writing before I apply
self-forgiveness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit
myself by limiting where and when I can apply self-forgiveness because I think I
am not allowed to , that it won’t be effective, that I am wasting my time, that
I am wrong, and I am useless. </div>
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I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to think I have to listen to every advice that someone
gives me.</div>
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I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to think I have to respect every single person I meet by
being kind, friendly, accepting, and sacrifice myself in order to support them
because this is what I have to do in order to do what is best for all, which seems
for me to have become a slogan to not really consider all perspectives,
including my own, which is what best for all should include.</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not
consider my perspective within what is best for all.</div>
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I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to shit on myself. </div>
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I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to insult myself</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to be hard on myself</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to not move equal and one through any situation,.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from oneness and equality.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to think.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to not breathe and start with me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from kindness by not being kind to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from caring by not being caring to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from feelings and emotions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from action. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to separate myself from honesty. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 184.65pt;">
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to not kill that which is not supportive and reinvigorate
that which is supportive. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-36908242262033571332013-02-23T00:11:00.001-08:002013-02-23T00:11:18.902-08:00Do nothingDance party music is too loud. I just came from a dance party and my ears are ringing. WHY DOES THE MUSIC HAVE TO BE SO LOUD THAT MY EARS RING! I want to have good hearing when im older, and im sure everyone else does too. And also why does the music have to be so loud you cannot hear each other! -so that's something i wanted so say/share.<br />
So i just came from a party. I was standing there. I notice that certain thoughts would come up. The most prominent one was, wow look at all the freshman girls. I immediately thought of my dad. After the second moment these words came up I got angry and I wanted to shoot the thoughts out. I realized that this is not possible and simply be angry will not help me stop. So i went into a point of acceptance. There was some immediate relief. So I was trying to direct myself. So i became aware of stuff, looking, moving. <i>Later I left</i>. When i was in my room, the thought came up again, wow look at all the freshman girls. I then said, so? As my dad, the thoughts came, well go after them. I felt offended and I saw I would be treating them like objects. But even objects you should not treat them this way. That with both objects/products and girls you do not simply choose them all, and you also do not pick one and quickly throw it away, no, you take care of it and make sure it lasts.<br />
-Im confused honestly. As i was writing I felt I was skipping something important. I wanted to write about this little story that went through my head. I think there are more layers that my response to my thoughts was itself a thought. Any perspectives from anyone? I mean I guess I could go deeper. The main question I want to ask is, Am i right? Am i right to say that <i>I then said, so? As my dad, the thoughts came, well go after them. I
felt offended and I saw I would be treating them like objects. But even
objects you should not treat them this way. That with both
objects/products and girls you do not simply choose them all, and you
also do not pick one and quickly throw it away, no, you take care of it
and make sure it lasts. </i><br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think wow look at all the freshman girls. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just watched the above interview.<br />
<br />
What is best for all is not defined by a single person. In other words, we can each as individuals apply the <i>principle</i>, what is best for all. That what is best for all is not determined by any single person. It is a principle that people can consider and apply as themselves. That it is not limited to anyone. We do not require to trust a person or have faith in a person because they defined what is best for all, no. No, because we can see for ourselves and test what is best for all for ourselves. We do not rely on something else to tell us or inform us what is best for all. What is best for all is a principle that we are learning, and experiencing through time, in a process of understanding and accumulation of perspectives. The most valuable of these perspectives is the one that cannot be erased that is available for all to see, that is not hidden but in plain sight. It is not an opinion. It is fact. It is here, and undeniable. If you deny it, you screw yourself. It is ubiquitous, like God. It is omnipresent and omnipotent. It consists of everything, and it gives life to everything. It is malleable yet stable. It is free of opinion. It is the physical.<br />
The physical is always here. It is the only thing that we can always trust. We too can live self-trust. Be here. Direct with and as the physical. Live a life of worth, apply the principle what is best for all. No one can tell you what is best for all, it requires you to see it and apply it. It won't work otherwise. Oneness and equality, with and as the physical. Be here with the breath. Be equal with the breath. Be equal with the fingers, hands, words, breath, pain, eyes, nose, leg, arms. Direct and live. Stop all energy. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-65172704708155865942012-07-31T22:06:00.000-07:002012-08-01T13:08:43.503-07:00Fighter<style>
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<br />
<h2>
</h2>
<h2>
Chess with my cousin</h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQR_-K4K550hTqaXVea4GA3ztqAjVPzGqkjOutFlVpU5s_de3uApBS1j_KR6vD-LOJUt7-7gsgjay_dGA62UxE-fDY5fgtmDdy7zN3oMyng0QV3Nzz1NXQgRj8Xm2icuyXH7KjoQMj9X4/s1600/chess_1856520c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQR_-K4K550hTqaXVea4GA3ztqAjVPzGqkjOutFlVpU5s_de3uApBS1j_KR6vD-LOJUt7-7gsgjay_dGA62UxE-fDY5fgtmDdy7zN3oMyng0QV3Nzz1NXQgRj8Xm2icuyXH7KjoQMj9X4/s400/chess_1856520c.jpg" width="400" /></a>My cousin asked if I wanted to play chess. I said yes. (I
did not really consider his question, I reacted with the answer. I perceived it
as a challenge and I believed I had no choice. I thought I am a chicken if I
say no to a game of chess. I felt nervous. As we started the game, I thought: I
hope I win. I felt nervous. I did not want to appear that I desired to win as I
knew if I lost I would appear sad. I had recently told my cousin that if you
want to win you cannot distract yourself with the desire to win. <span style="color: black;"> As a child I would often pray for things
including winning at games. I once wished on a shooting star that me and my
brother would beat a hard boss in a video game we were playing. I later
associated our victory from the wish to the fact that we learned over time from
having tried to win so many times. So I thought in order to win you need to
keep on trying. So if I try I then I hope to win. I notice this to be true
where if I start trying I am motivated by winning. Consequently I notice that
if I see I have no chance of winning I don’t really try. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
As a child I played many games of
chess with other children. I won most of them. I
took great pride within the number of games I won. When I would lose one game
after another I would get continuously upset. I remember I would only show my
emotions in moments where I thought I could not hold them back since I was too
upset. One time I remember trying to punch someone for pulling down my pants. (I
learned from my science teacher that a punch on a wall will give as much force
back to your hand. In other words it would be more painful the harder you
punch. I feared pain and I avoided fighting for fear of physical pain.) These
were guys who tried messing with me many times. I had already built a fear to having
my pants pull down. I also remember getting upset because the girl I liked was
watching too. I don’t actually remember the event, I blacked out. After the
event I remember being on the ground facing down, as if I fallen. I don’t
remember seeing the guy I tried to hit or who pulled my pants down. After, I
remember crying when I told someone who asked me what happened, I said, someone
pulled my pants down. There was someone who I believed pulled my pants down but
I could not say for sure and so I could not accuse him. This same guy I thought
tried to steal a pair of black gloves I had. He asked for the gloves. I
resisted but I let him try it on, since he only wanted to see it. When he
disappeared I searched for him. I felt angry when I thought he tried to steal
from me, as I took it personal. It follows the same construct I described in
the previous section. But I left out feeling sad. I remember that my brother
would point out that I cry often when I got upset with him and when I decided
to really share what I felt. He would get upset that I was crying. My mom was
present when I cried about what I perceived my brother was doing to me. I cried
on my first multiplication test and I tried very hard to do well in math. My dad’s dog recently died. This feeling of sadness gave me
access to memories where I felt equally sad. It reminded me of breakups; of
when my mom’s camera was stolen in Peru or when my mom and dad had their
biggest fight. Unlike other people, I held onto sadness for longer. I would
linger in weeks of sadness, holding onto memories, thoughts and the
feeling/emotion. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
As a child I would repeat certain memories in my head, as I
felt great emotions when I remembered them. I would repeat thoughts too. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
When I started losing I felt diminished inside but I tried
not to show that to others. I thought there is no hope for me. I felt nervous. I
noticed I avoided making eye contact with my cousin. I also remember avoiding
eye contact of the kid I am playing against when I started losing or have lost.
I thought I was just tired. I did not allow myself to show that I felt sad. I
would get very upset when I lose several games of chess against my father. In
other games like kickball I would think that whichever team I am on is going to
lose. So I would repeat this thought and expect it to be true. This also made
me feel sad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
When I saw I lost I compounded the feeling of inferiority
(sadness) even further, and then immediately suppressed the compounded emotion
called sadness. I thought I’m done. I felt exasperated. I still desired to win
so I agreed to another game of chess. When my cousin asked me to play again I
thought yes. I again felt nervous. (This reminds me of a feeling of wanting to
continue games with friends or playing a video game for more time before
letting my brother play as we took turns [addiction]. While playing a game I
would think I don’t want to give up. I felt nervous when I thought this. I
thought I don’t want to be a loser. I felt sad after thinking this. After losing and going through the same
cycle I gave up (the point where I finally let go) and I thought I’m a loser and felt sad, in which I
suppressed my desire to win until a future time, and just said I was tired, in
which I suppressed my frustration, and left. I thought im done and I felt
exasperated. I notice that in a video game where I am losing, I readily leave
the game to let my brother play. I also have a memory where I have lost a major
game and all I thought about was going home. I became disappointed in myself (blamed
myself) for allowing myself to play chess while I am tired, I thought I
shouldn’t have done that. I was criticizing myself in the past on something I
cannot change). I tried to protect my image through stating I was tired, so
that I can blame tiredness for my losing and frustration. (my mom would say we
are tired when we felt upset about something and it was late. I remember
feeling tired after losing the game.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to be motivated by winning and discouraged by losing and have
defined trying as a word dependent on outcome instead of independent of outcome
and so trying is an unconditional expression of myself instead of myself
enslaved to the outcome. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
yes when my cousin asks me to play a game. I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think yes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience called nervousness within and as
myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought yes to the emotion of feeling nervous. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
there is no hope for when I start losing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
there is no hope for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought there is no hope for me to the emotion called nervousness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience called nervous within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I’m
done when I lost the chess game. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing
myself to think I’m done. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I’m done to the emotion of exasperated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience known as exasperated within and as me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to feel diminished for losing and to hide my feeling of diminishment, while thinking there is no hope for me, thus keeping me enslaved
in the same pattern of a hidden diminishment when I lose. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to think that whenever anyone asks me to play I
perceive it as a challenge to myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing battle within
and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing conflict within
and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to participate within the pattern ‘I give up’
whenever I see myself losing many times and within that, giving up on me being able
to win something, which I see I also apply in my real life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I
am tired when I am upset/emotional about losing/not getting my way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself by thinking i am tired to hide my reactions of inferiority and then blaming myself for letting myself to play while tired when all along i was creating tired to have an excuse to leave the game.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I am tired to the emotional experience of feeling horrible.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My brother and
I would try and cheat the other to try and play more time on a video game. When
the other’s time was up I would get upset and I would use my upset demeanor to
tell my mom that my brother was not getting off the computer or playstation. I
can see that I was not really upset but I just used being upset to play more or
get more. I know this was how to get my mom to give us things or get what we
want. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-30250184309424763742012-07-31T21:54:00.001-07:002012-08-01T13:06:40.004-07:00The Dark Side of the Moon.<style>
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<a href="http://paxarcana.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/moon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="383" src="http://paxarcana.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/moon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
Birthday night 2013<br />
My family wanted to watch some family videos from when we
were kids. One video was of my brother and I taking a shower. Everyone was
howling and laughing because they thought they were seeing me naked and they
were laughing to see me naked. I felt violated and I blamed my father for what
I felt since he took the video. I felt inferior because I was being laughed at.
I thought I looked silly. I felt anxious when I thought this<span style="color: blue;">. </span> I also remember a fear of being seen naked<span style="color: blue;">, </span>where I thought others would think my penis and
balls look small and weird. I also thought my anus looks dirty as it had a dark
circular area. I feel disgusted when I think my anus looks dirty. I feel sad
when I think my penis and balls look small and weird<span style="color: blue;">.</span>
I remember having a dream of being naked and trying to hide my nudity<span style="color: blue;">, </span>where I blamed others for my experience. While the
video was on, I felt angry with those who were laughing and I blamed them, as I
did not want to think of my anus, penis, and balls as I reacted to those thoughts.
(I notice that this requires that I have as a character to resist the dark and
embrace the light, as what I judge to be good/bad)<span style="color: blue;"> </span>I
notice I became quiet in between thoughts, within which I was suppressing my
thoughts and feelings/emotions, including the thoughts on my body that made me angry.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I thought that hiding/suppressing
my reason for being angry would protect my reason for being angry that within
hiding they would not see why I felt fear and shame. I hoped they would never
attempt to question why I was angry; I used anger as a tool for pushing
argument that served as a distraction from all self-honest consideration.
Anger/violence/fear is contagious. I notice I have made myself powerless
through hoping and holding onto a thought I am trying to protect from being
consciously faced. I believed to be powerless in my situation, and just a
victim. <span style="color: black;">I realize this experience of powerless is just
myself seeing how as the mind I have no power to influence my reality, which is
why I had only hoped they not find out. As the mind I am powerless. If I give
up my thoughts/judgments on my body I will be free.</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I remember another childhood dream
where I dreamt a monster was coming to get me and I just crouched down, closed
my eyes and ears with my hands and I thought I was hiding and I thought: don’t
get me. This monster in this particular dream is Chucky from the horror movie.
In this dream I am in a parking lot at night. I stumble on a parking slab of
stone and I am crouching down and hiding. I dared not even look at him since
the sight of him was the trigger of my fear. I think wake up. This thought
reminds me of movies or shows where people think they are dreaming and so they
pinch themselves to try and wake up. I remember they would do this when they
are scared. I realize I have accepted and allowed my fear of chucky and I have
decided to just run away and wake up from my nightmares. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Later I received advice from an
adult I did not know but I liked what he said. He said to stand up to monsters
in dreams and to fight them violently to release my fear of them. I remember
dreaming of being in an urban setting and some guys attacked me, so I attacked
them and beat them up. I thought I am powerful when I saw I easily I beat them.
I felt happy. I thought no one better mess with me when I started fighting with
them. I felt furious. After seeing what I wrote above: “Anger/violence/fear is
contagious” and how I behaved in the dream, I see that I have the excuse where
I think I can attack others if they attack me. This reminds of of the batman
movie where he uses fear against his opponent. When I first heard this line in
the movie I had a positive reaction to it. Now I see that this violence in
itself, where you harm another to get your way. This reminds me of when I got
kicked in my butt by some kids and I thought: why are they doing this to me, to
which I felt sad. My mom after told me to stand up for myself when someone
messes with me at school, that to kick him in the butt if they do that to me. I
thought if I attack it is to protect myself. I remember approving war, such as
WWII where you have to defend yourself. I have thought exactly the same line of
thought in playing violent video games where if someone says that why are you
shooting that person I say they are shooting me. My mom has told the story that
I got angry with my brother and cousin so I knocked their heads together. I actually
don’t remember it. But I have gotten angry many times with my brother and cousin
as we would fight as kids. We would retaliate if the other did something,
whatever made the other angry. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I perceived my family was attacking me, I thought why are
they laughing at me, they should stop. I felt sorrow. I thought I could not
make them stop. I felt sad. I thought there is nothing I could do. I felt sad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always felt less than when I am the punch of a joke
(note, punch is violent). I became
quiet (believing I am hiding myself) to hide my reason for feeling of angry,
which is thinking I can do nothing to change my situation since that would mean
changing my thoughts, giving up my thoughts on my body and admitting I can
change/stop thoughts.<s> </s></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
So I see that I see myself as an
image, within my thoughts that my anus looks dirty and my penis and balls look
small and weird. I fear thinking this, as I fear my own image I have created of
me. I try to hide within blame and anger, and I suppress the thoughts on my
anus, balls, and penis themselves.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
pretend i am a victim and make-believe my family is attacking me, thus creating
an illusionary experience where i believe i can do nothing to change my
experience.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
sad when i believe i am powerless, am being attacked by my family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to
not take responsibility for my feeling violated by blaming my father for taking
the video in the first place. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
violated within and as me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel
violated when people see a nude picture/movie of me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my
father to escape my responsibility by blaming him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I look silly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I look silly when everyone was howling and laughing to see me naked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I look silly to the emotional experience of feeling
anxious.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my penis and balls look small and weird. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my penis and balls look small and weird when I see the visual image of my penis
and balls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my penis and balls look small and weird to the emotional
experience of feeling sad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience called sadness within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my anus looks dirty.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my anus looks dirty when I see my anus in the mirror or in an image. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my anus looks dirty to the emotional experience called
sadness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience known as sadness within and as myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my face looks fat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my face looks fat when I see the visual image of my cheeks in the mirror or in
a photo/movie.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my face looks fat to the emotional experience sadness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience of sadness within and as myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my nose looks crooked and broken.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my nose looks crooked and broken when I see my nose in the mirror from above or
see my nose in a picture of my whole face. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my nose looks crooked and broken to the emotional
experience known as sadness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my hips look fat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my hips look fat when I see my hips from behind, in the mirror or otherwise.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my hips look fat to the emotional experience known as
sadness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my legs look small and weird.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my legs look small and weird when I see my legs from above and from behind, and
when I feel my legs with my hand. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my legs look small and weird to the emotional experience
known as sadness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my butt looks small and weird.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my butt looks small and weird when I see my butt bare from behind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my butt looks small and weird to the emotional experience
known as sadness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my pecks look fat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my pecks looks fat when I hold my peck and release it or when I see my upper
body in the mirror. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought my pecks look fat to the emotional experience known as
sadness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience known as sadness within and as myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
My brother would call me fat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am fat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am fat when I look at my belly from above and see it covers the view of my
feet or penis and balls. ( I have this image from a cartoon I watched. In the
cartoon goofy was exercising and even practiced dancing. He was preparing his
appearance for a date. )</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I am fat to the emotional experience known as sadness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I have a fat chin. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I have a fat chin when I see my chin from the side or when I see my chin stick
out when I tuck my head down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I have a fat chin to the emotional experience known as
sadness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience called sadness within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my ear lobes look big. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
my ear lobes look big when I hold my ear lobes with my thumb and index fingers.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I notice a trend where regarding the physical body I am
judging looking big as bad. Where having a big head is bad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
My mom told me Chinese tradition says that people with big ear
lobes attract wealth to them and are very lucky. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am lucky because my ear lobes are big.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am lucky because my ear lobes are big when I feel my ear lobes and when I see
my ears from the side of my face. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I am lucky because I have big ear lobes to the feeling
experience of happiness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I look like a girl. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I remember that I once was asked if I was a girl. I had very
long hair that covered my face. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I look like a girl when someone asked me if I was a girl and says I look like a
girl. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I look like a girl to the emotional experience known as
fear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the emotional
experience of fear within and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the emotional experience of
fear to the thought I am naked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I am naked when I see an old
picture/movie of me naked. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have
the physical reaction of hiding my inner feelings and emotions and inner
experience from my conscious awareness when I experience the emotion called
fear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the physical reaction of hiding my inner feelings and emotions
and inner experiences from my conscious awareness within and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the physical reaction of
hiding myself when I am faced with the emotional experience called fear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the physical reaction of hiding myself within and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate
in the emotional experience of rage when I see or hear people laugh at my body’s
appearance, which only further suppresses and covers my feelings and emotions. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I am angry at people laughing at me so as to not take responsibility for what I
am experiencing as the totality of myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become
angry to get my way, more specifically to distract others from learning the
truth of myself as judging my own appearance as bad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience of inferiority within and as myself as
that served only to distract myself from what I really experienced. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel distrusted when people laugh
at me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that if
people don’t take me seriously they don’t trust me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel inferior when people see a
naked picture/movie of me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create
myself as the victim that cannot change his circumstances and situation through
accepting and allowing myself to react to laughter and blame laughter when I
clearly do have the power to create myself and my experience. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have
the physical reaction of hiding when I believe I am faced with a monster that
is coming for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define
hiding as crouching down, blocking my eyes and ears and repeating to myself, I
am safe. I can clearly see a pattern here, where I have repeated positive
thoughts to myself to convince myself I am safe, for example, or I am well, or
everything is all right. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell
myself something is true when I know that if it was true I would not have to
tell myself and convince myself of it. The truth of me is clearly seen by me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Well, in my dream I dreamt I had
suds on my body and I was nearby a party. I went to hide myself and I end up
falling on the floor hiding from people. The fear consists of feeling nervous
and hoping/desiring people to not see me. If they don’t see me I think: I can
relax. I feel light (in terms of weight). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I hope they don’t see me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I hope they don’t see me, when I am naked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire
people to not see me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
connect the thought I hope they don’t see me to the emotional experience called
nervousness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience known as nervousness within and as me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting myself to connect the thought
I can relax to the feeling experience of feeling light. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the feeling experience of feeling light within and as me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think
I can relax when I avoid being seen naked. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to define quiet in separation of
myself through defining quiet as a physical reaction of suppressing all
emotion, feeling, thought and inner experience from conscious awareness in
separation of myself so to achieve a suppressed silence of mind for a moment. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for not realizing that my desire of hiding
messes, dust, was a reaction to not have to take responsibility of the dust and
mess similar to and analogous to my suppression of thought and mind so as to
not take responsibility of myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I remembered that I would have this
desire to sweep the dust I had gathered under a rug. I remembered that in
cartoons they did this. I desired to be like the cartoons. I thought it would
be cool to be like the cartoons. I felt sullen. My memory consisted of an image in my living room pulling up
a rug in one hand and about to sweep a pile of dust under the rug lifted with
my hand. This memory is connected to my memory as a kid of quickly going around
the house to organize the house for Christmas for santa claus. Within this memory
I feel very anxious. My parents told me that santa claus was coming soon and
that we had to clean the house. I thought: santa claus was coming to our house,
I have to clean everything. I felt anxious. My father gets anxious when he
tries to get us to do something quickly and in a hurry. I ran quickly to the
living room and started organizing the toys and dolls that were in there. As I
was picking up a doll and placing it upright, I felt excited, I thought santa
claus is coming (there is a picture of a face with open eyes and drawn out
smile). As I went to open a cabinet door I thought I have to organize
everything. I then felt tired. This reminds me of when my dad would tell us we
have to organize the house since mami’s coming home. I thought I don’t want to organize the house. I felt sad. I
thought I did not make all the messes. I felt sad. I thought I don’t have to do
this. I then felt tired. (I need to investigate feeling tired, there is
something else underneath). Tired seems to be just a reaction and is an excuse
to not work or do something. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
Right now I feel tired within
deciding and starting self-forgiveness. I think I suck at applying
self-forgiveness. So within feeling tired (criticizing myself through an
insult) I don’t do things or don’t do things correctly. I just have to push the
point I am trying to live (I think I am too tired to push). I feel tired. But I
realize that I have to face this point of feeling tired (I think I am too tired
to face tiredness). I feel tired.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think it would be cool to be like the cartoons. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think it would be cool to be like the cartoons when I
remember that cartoons would sweep dust under the rug. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought it would be cool to be like the cartoons
to the emotional experience called sullen. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate in the emotional experience known as sullen
within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think santa claus is coming to our house, I have to clean
everything.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think santa claus is coming to our house, I have to clean
everything when my parents told me that santa clause is coming to our house and
we have to clean the house.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect
the thought santa is coming I have to clean everything to the emotional
experience known as anxiety. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate in the emotional experience known as anxiety within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think santa claus is coming.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think santa claus is coming when I picked up a doll and
placed it upright. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought santa claus is coming to the feeling
experience of excitement. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing the feeling experience of excitement within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I have to organize the house.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I have to organize the house to the
emotional experience of feeling tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to push myself when I am tired instead of facing my tiredness
as an emotion that I am accepting and allowing, and forgiving and taking
responsibility. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I don’t have to do this to the emotional
experience of feeling tired.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I have to organize everything to the
emotional experience of feeling tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I don’t want to organize the house.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I don’t want to organize the house when my dad would
tell us we have to organize the house since mami’s coming home. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I don’t want to organize the house to
the emotional experience of feeling sad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate in the emotional experience of feeling sad. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I don’t have to do
this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I don’t have to do this when I have do complete some
responsibility. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the emotional experience of feeling tired when I
think I don’t have to do this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to participate in the emotional experience of feeling tired
within and as myself. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I suck at applying self-forgiveness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I
suck at applying self-forgiveness when I decide to start self-forgiveness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I suck at self-forgiveness to the
emotional experience of feeling tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing the emotional experience of feeling tired within and as myself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I
am too tired to push. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I am too tired to push when I see I need to push
myself within a point. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I am too tired to push to the emotional
experience of feeling tired.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I
am too tired to face tiredness. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to think I am too tired to face tiredness when I realize I have
to face this point of feeling tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to connect the thought I am too tired to face tiredness to the
emotional experience of feeling tired. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; text-indent: 0.5in;">
I do feel tired (create it) in
order to defeat myself. I notice I did not want to organize everything so I
literally defeat myself to get what I want: to not organize everything and to
appear acceptable because I have the excuse I am tired. I have used this excuse
before and seen my mom use this excuse on us where it is ok and acceptable to
stop doing something because we are tired. This worked well as we were young kids.
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-57362304836319841512012-04-30T21:44:00.000-07:002012-04-30T21:44:37.825-07:00Some Self-Forgiveness<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Some Self-Forgiveness </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
torture the physical, which is one and equal as me, through generating/charging
energy, which take from the physical and kill the physical. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I correct myself by stopping the generation/charging of
energy, which take from the physical and kill the physical, so that the
torture/abuse to the physical, which is one and equal as me can stop. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse
the physical in separation of the physical as me. I forgive myself for
accepting and allwonig myself to not see the physical is a reflection of who I
am as evil, for how I abuse the physical. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I correct myself by bringing myself here through breath and
live one and equal as the physical. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I correct myself by walking in self-forgiveness for what I
have done, and live in commitment to stop all abuse of the physical so that all
life can be free and so I can know freedom as well, through the reality which
is equal and one as the physical. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my
desire possess me, the desire of party ad friendship and celebration, such that
I separated myself from the physical so I can allow desire to possess me and
avoid the physical consequences (which I can never avoid). I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to believe I can ever avoid the physical
consequences of my actions, especially allowing energy to possess me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to charge
and generate energy when I forgive myself and see I have applied
self-forgiveness. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-22817008100216457462012-04-22T00:59:00.001-07:002012-04-22T00:59:55.265-07:00Memories<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I forgive myself for demonizing memory as bad, when it is
me, thus I create myself as bad in polarity with good. I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to participate within the forgetfulness that
humanity has accepted and allowed where we have chosen to forget our history to
keep on making the same mistake and thus making ourselves not equal to our
history thus enslaving/trapping ourselves to our history. I forgive myself for
giving up my will to direct/change through forgetting I can change/direct
myself one and equal. I forgive myself for running away from memory of what is
here, one and equal. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be
afraid of remembering what is here, so I purposefully forget what is here to
not face here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My memory and I are
inseparable, if my memory is erased, so am I. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-82975208000376286972012-03-06T18:50:00.000-08:002012-03-06T18:50:25.159-08:00Poverty, money, and wealth.Poverty and wealth have something thing in common, money. <br />
"In 2005, the wealthiest 20% of the world accounted for 76.6% of total private consumption. The poorest fifth just 1.5%:"<br />
<img alt="" class="figure" src="http://cdn1.globalissues.org/i/poverty/wdi-2008/consumption-inequality-2005-pie.png" /><br />
Over three billion people live on less than $2.50 [<a href="http://www.globalissues.org/article/26/poverty-facts-and-stats">1</a>]. So obviously about half the world's population have a wage that most or all would say leads to poverty. Imagine such a situation. Electricity, food, water... would need to come from the government or businesses with cheap products. Anyone would be poor on such a wage. A poor lifestyle, a poor education, and no goals. Has it every occurred to anyone that a poor person is underpaid? A response could be that it is a job that simply does pay well, or they shouldn't be paid more. In response to the first claim, I agree that they are underpaid by anyone's standards. Ask yourself, is $2.50 fit your standards? And the second point: they should not be paid more, is an opinion, that misses the point that poverty is being underpaid. Whether its good, bad, or whatever has no bearing. Being poor is a result of being underpaid. Therefore: to end poverty could result, by definition, if everyone was paid enough to cover all living expenses, e.g. food, water, electricity etc... that is required to live. Other obvious points include, education, clothing, transportation, counseling/mentoring, internet, and homes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-47377984227259903112011-12-04T18:48:00.000-08:002011-12-04T18:48:49.206-08:00The change we need/require in/as this world/existence – is change that can stand eternally, that contribute to existence as a whole – humans, animals, nature, the earth, existence…then change is REAL.<br />
This is a quote by Sunnette. I saw today how who i was was not consistent. It was actually a point i tried to become but from the perspective of the mind. You, see the mind cannot last. The physical lasts, the physical is the key. Today i saw the same point. I wrote 4 practical things that i can do that i know i can do at any moment given i have the time and am in the physical position to do so, and they are: Vlog, Art for equality, Forum support, and breath. Each one of these i see benefits existence as a whole.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-15754426884926731902011-12-02T22:05:00.001-08:002011-12-02T22:05:22.702-08:00Post<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">I asked my mom: “What mattered more, jesus’ message or jesus the man?” And she said the it’s the man who lives the message. Something I pointed out later was, the message is the man living the message, because only then can you even know the man. From my perspective, its not at all about the man, it could be any man, but it’s the message that matters, who the man is really. Like Bernard Poolman. Its not about the man, but the message. It could have been anyone, it just happened to be this man. Funnyly enough, one man is not powerful enough, including jesus, to change this reality. What is required is more men and women. Everyone coming together. So you can see, the man is not really the solution to change, but man is. All man, any man, which included the man who stood for the message or principle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And includes you too! :P </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-29763280526829269012011-11-28T15:28:00.001-08:002012-01-12T22:37:13.863-08:00I was a Meditator<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"> I meditated constantly. As a child I even meditated. It was around ten that I was taught “how to meditate.” I became obsessed with gurus and enlightened beings. I thought meditation was the only way I could truly help people, because as long as I am unenlightened I will always make mistakes and never do what needs to be done. I needed to become intuitive and loving, so whatever I do is good and right for the moment. I later became possessed with the idea of being guided in my life. I was always worried with being on track with my destiny. Anything that is implied in this writing is true. As I reread this i see many unspoken statements that I indeed followed. Enlightenment is a person who is always loving and is connected to the oneness of the world and therefore knows what to do always, even if he doesn’t know it. That being enlightened was the only true way to help anyone. I believed all suffering was due to not being conscious and therefore I could only help if I knew the way. And this is the only “right” thing in the world. “Love.” Because love meant approval/validation. Love meant support. Love meant power/freedom. Love was everything/my world. God was love. Also if you realized love it meant you were in control, you “won.” You're good and better than evil. CONgratulations. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> Later as I had my chance of experiencing myself in relationships and being left outside them did I realize the polarized nature of love and all feelings. The more love, the more hate. I only understood this clearly with video interviews from desteni. I could also see how I accepted and allowed the manifested evil of starvation as normal within myself, which I felt shame for. Before this event I was engulfed with my emotions and feelings, and thoughts. I was oblivious to anything outside myself and my thoughts, emotions and feelings. I was meditating constantly and at some point I made the statement, I was willing to face the truth no matter how difficult it might be. In this way I was able to dare myself to try out the desteni message. I was still limited by my mind and energy. And this was the starting point of meditation: “I am not good enough, need to become more.” Which is clearly separation, which I understood from the message. And then from meditating I would cleverly think of something so I could say I acquired knowledge, “wise statements” which I can show off. I initially participated in desteni videos through wanting to deal with my issues of emotions and eventually feelings. I still existed as a fearful system. A demon, a zombie. I had trouble with my thoughts. Trouble that I caused. I saw thoughts as bad, essentially, and I was afraid of them. I built this personality from reading Eckhart Tolle writings (and other sources, 2B looked at). For the Desteni message, I was drawn in because what I heard I could make sense out of it yet it caused reactions. So I was determined. I have trouble explaining, in simple words why I was determined. Because its life. Because its me. Everything they are saying is about me. It fits me like a glove. Moreover it fits everyone else too. There’s no other way. It may sound cultish, lol, but we’re talking about life. Life cannot be anything else but life. So, life is. And currently life is suffering and suppressed. Anyone who says anything negative or positive about this subject is an asshole. Because this <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> reality, and reality does not change with a judgment. So lets get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">real</i> and come down from our heavens in heads and get in touch and dig into Earth. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> This is the first time im facing these memories. I can see I sympathized with myself. And constantly think how bad my life is. I lived a life trying to live the statement: I am good, please give me love. And I was deceptive. I repeated in my head and I believed it. I know now that everything I did, I did to myself, and all that I experienced I did to me. I am responsible, the only one. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> For a lightworker or someone who is looking for love/validation from others, this process is as difficult as you make it. I suggest being soft with yourself and deadly when needed. The message is simplistic, there are no tricks. The forum makes it easier and ask for help. Don’t be proud, you’re an equal in this process. Give yourself yourself. Practice reading each word clearly and precisely without emotion or feeling and rereading when you do react or think. Have Fun!<br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use meditation as a way to avoid having to intervene to help people, animals and plants. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of making a mistake. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of making a mistake because I allowed it to happen. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of not knowing I was making a mistake or allowing a mistake. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use intuition and loving from a distance as an excuse to not take practical responsibility. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire perfection in never doing wrong and always doing right. And I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use guidance as an excuse for not taking self-responsibility for this world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use astrology, the mayan dream chart, and other predictions for my future as excuses to not act and live a responsible life. I forgive myself for not realizing the enlightenment is simply living a responsible life as an equal to any other doing the same. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to find my own way that does not involve directing assisting each and every person, plant, and cell in this universe, that avoids this process of facing me for who I accepted and allowed me to live and be. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to plan to use love as an attempt to enslave people to me, where I loved people and showed them “the way,” just as I enslaved myself to love, to a being out there somewhere higher than me that I can’t see and therefore it meant He was special like magic, something to believe in. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to love and loving another being or several beings. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself connect self-power to feeling loved. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define self-power within feeling loved. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from self-power and feeling loved through defining self-power within feeling loved in separation of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define freedom in separation from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘freedom’ to feeling love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘freedom’ within feeling loved. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘freedom’ and feeling loved through defining the word ‘freedom’ within feeling love in separation of myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make feeling a certain experience constantly and consistently with no fluctuation, the purpose of my life. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that by having a certain experience constantly and consistently with no fluctuation as a way to experience god or be god. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that by having a certain experience constantly and consistently with no fluctuation that only I know of would define winning. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from existence by desiring to experience love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire love for me and only me, forever. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see enlightened being and gurus as more than me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as less than gurus, enlightened beings, and god. I forgive myself for not realizing that what needs to be done requires doing, actual living application with a noticeable stance from me doing so in my world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see that repeating the thoughts on enlightenment and love, I was in fact being brainwashed by myself, in fear of myself and in fear of living or have to live. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having to live. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of facing me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of responsibility and making a noticeable change in the world that would require self-sacrifice by facing and ending parts of me such as my fear and resistances. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of making a mistake in my self-forgive and so being hesitant. I forgive myself for not realizing the simplicity in writing down every point I have participated in forgiveness. I forgive myself for not realizing that I have power to be one and equal with my words in writing. I forgive myself for not realizing the responsibility I have to having the power to be one and equal with my words in writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my self-faith outside of me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not use the power of my self-faith to know what is real and what is an illusion. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing suffering in this world by accepting and allowing suffering within me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take self-responsibility for suffering within me and my world. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and find another way to end suffering so that I can justify and excuse having to face my fear of me and from having to take responsibility for what I have accepted and allowed. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing shame and guilt for what I have accepted and allowed. I forgive me for not taking responsibility for this world as me and not realize that by taking responsibility I prove that I had always been the only one who had to take responsibility that no other solution exist. And I prove that each one can take self-responsibility. I forgive myself for splitting me so that I can avoid responsibility. I forgive myself for separating myself from being a being who is always loving and is connected to the oneness of the world and therefore knows what to do always. And I forgive defining love as an experience instead of actual physical relationship between two points where one point actually practically is acting on another, so that visible change is apparent and instantaneous. I forgive myself for relying on the reptilian logic of right, that love is right and hate is wrong, where if I dared to disturb another being’s slumber for any reason that they can hate me for, I would be wrong. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love to hope. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love to joy. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect love to peace. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define peace within love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself fot define joy within love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define hope within love. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the words joy and love through defining the word joy within love in separation from myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from hope and love through defining the word hope within love in separation of myself. I forgive myself forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word peace and the word love through defining the word peace within the word love in separation of myself. I forgive myself for defining who I was in terms of who I was in comparison to Evil. I forgive myself for having the definition of me to be based on a comparison of being more than or less than someone/something else. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define control of my world as having an experience of love as energy. </div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-87391871114306693712011-11-22T18:16:00.000-08:002011-11-22T18:16:27.280-08:00Something important to read<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":1}"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">Here, im considering people’s death. Here is a list of top 5 regrets people had on there deathbed. Source <a href="http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html" rel="nofollow nofollow" target="_blank">http://<wbr></wbr>www.inspirationandchai.com/<wbr></wbr>Regrets-of-the-Dying.html</a></span><div style="cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; font-weight: normal; height: 16px; width: 16px;"></div><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">If one checks the link the lady claims that she worked with the dying. How this can help us is to check within oneself whether oneself is following a programmed design that one is participating. This also reveals “human nature.” I pla</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-size: small; font-weight: normal;">ce quotes on human nature to help dispel the belief that human nature does not change. It does, as I have found. <br />
OK, <br />
The first: 1) I wish I had the courage to live my life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I would say, to be clear, this statement reveals much, first off is fear. It also shows a person is not honest with himself, because if a person is living a life that is not true to oneself then one is betraying oneself. <br />
Ok, the second:<br />
2) I wish I didn’t work so hard.<br />
What this statement reveals immediately to me is that a person is stressed or work feels hard. If one did a work one enjoyed one would not have this regret. And im using enjoy as enjoy, and not something that can be substituted like tolerable or lucky to have this job. Virtually no one can say they want to work because they like it. They do it for money. But it is possible for us to change.<br />
3) I wish I had the courage to express my feelings<br />
For me I see that what lacks is self-expression. Simply put expressing oneself. Its not just feelings but to express oneself in movement, breathing, choosing, living. We act like we have a choice, but really. Answer me this, is it a choice to not be yourself? Careful. Don’t be brainwashed by the idea of freewill. It would be self-betrayal (see above) to deny the truth of oneself. <br />
4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends<br />
I see that a person is afraid to be alone. That oneself is afraid of losing friendship. I also can see lack of self-expression (see above). <br />
5) I wish that I had let myself be happier<br />
This reveals the same awkward point of view concerning freewill in 3). Its sad really. But it also reveals another point: Its funny, that we “allow” happiness. This implies that we also choose to not be happy. That we allow anger, hatred, superiority, ego, etc… also. But really. C’mon. No one would choose these experiences. So why? Well discover youself @<br />
Desteni.org and join forum.<br />
Have patience and persistence. <br />
-Yogan</span><br />
</span></span></h6>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-72514578164551235822011-11-19T14:35:00.000-08:002011-11-19T15:06:06.930-08:00Something short and sweetI had the thought, Nothing changes. Within this thought was the anxiety to enter into my old habits. But in order to enter into these habits I would need to change. Its funny how this statement: Nothing changes, is trying to get me to change. If I am standing as something that does not change anymore, I am committed to something, a way of living, a way of expressing. Which is Me. I am committed to me. I am committed to writing, to breathing, and to self-forgiveness.<br />
-peace<br />
<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think 'Nothing changes.'<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought 'Nothing changes' be a trigger for the emotion anxiety.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the emotion anxiety to enter into a habit.<br />
I forgive myself for not realizing i was blaming anxiety for an action i was taking.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from anxiety through defining anxiety within old habits.<br />
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the emotion anxiety be a trigger for entering into an old habit [unconscious mind].Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-39312862311977996642011-10-25T11:19:00.000-07:002011-10-25T11:19:52.990-07:00I have never been patient. I have preoccupied myself with things or games but never have i ever actually been patient while waiting or when denied something I want. Even though my parents woud say to me, What patience! when referring to how calm i appeared when sitting quietly while my brother and sister misbehaves. What they didn't know or chose to ignore was that when something did bother me i hid it. Also i would distract myself, which they had no way of noticing, because i did it in my mind. I would imagine monsters destroying the city and a superhero fighting them. I never saw the end of the fight because i made it so that they can continue entertaining me. It was all in my head placed over reality. Pictures real enough for me to see within daylight. I borrowed them from tv shows, movies and video games. I brought them to life and i made the main character my savior or guardian.<br />
Back to the point on hand. I now realize that they were wrong (my parents) that i was not a patient boy but a detached one. And when something did upset me, which in some cases can be called the very definition of impatience, i would remove myself from the world by leaving (living) in my head. The way i would handle academic assignments, since i was impatient during such times, i would treat them as games and i would expect the reward of getting A's. It was an energetic high i induced. Literally. When working i would get a frantic feeling sometimes and would work fast. When i knew in order to succeed i had to read or work slowly i would slow down. But it was all done within the goal of succeeding and getting those A's. Each time, each test, each homework i felt a combination of relief of stress with one of intoxication. Otherwise, if i didn't do this, i would not do the work. Im impatient. I need to get want i want, which is energy. Which i get from video games, tv, movies, viral videos, joking with friends, making out with lovers, or being close to family. And of course, winning.<br />
Im ready to change, are you? This is a sad story, sad because its pathetic and pointless and torture-some. I choose to be patient. I choose life as me as who i am as my entire experience of me. All is me. I choose freedom.<br />
ThankyouUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-1558774104628153052011-10-20T12:07:00.000-07:002011-10-20T12:09:13.670-07:00Black children On my desktop, there is a picture of black children looking at me. I found it on the web and i decided to put is as my desktop image of my computer to remind me about life, that life spans any color and any form. I remember how when i was younger i public school i sometimes would confuse one person for another because in my eyes they looked the same. They were minorities. Later on i learned in psychology that the human brain is able to differentiate people easier after enough exposure. They showed this with a few studies on people that were white that could differentiate blacks better than whites and vice versa. So i know that this mistake that all blacks look alike is due to not knowing very many blacks. And also when other people associate all blacks are poor or criminal is because they don't know very many who aren't. It also has to do with fear, because its harder to get to know someone when your afraid of them. Its a vicious cycle. Parents become afraid they keep their kids away from others. Kids are afraid. Kids grow up.<br />
I could cite thousands of reasons why its stupid to be afraid but being afraid of life is good enough reason to stop oneself from being afraid. Whatever you could be afraid of as something you can point to as something real, is life. Death is life too. There is no exception. All is life and guess what you're it too. Life life life. Life has no opposite because there's no else but life. <br />
-LifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-45096154898112854842011-10-19T20:00:00.000-07:002011-10-19T20:00:34.850-07:00hi againI have something i need to say.I was busy adding more blogs to the 'blogs i like' tab and everytime i add a blog i check the blog out. So i was checking Cerise's which was very cool. Then i went to add Christophe's when i got a reaction immediatly. It were very desperate moments. I had trouble breathing and the straing in the pit of my stomach was getting worse. I made sure to read it. But then i found myself to not really being paying attention to the words of the self-forgiveness, specifically. I immediatly identified this reaction as fear. I was afraid of this website, or so it appeared. So i tried forgiving. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid. I could tell that something was not right because there was not even a slight relief. So i did the same, i said it too quickly. I whispered out loud, because when it gets stuck sometimes, the words, inside. So this forgiveness worked as i was more specific reading the name of the blog, forgiving me for being afraid of it. There was slight relief, which is too subtle to notice, or perhaps i was not paying close attention. But i knew it worked, inside of me. I eventually realized im afraid of so many desteni things. That fear has engulfed and anger too. I also realize that i had created this and this was my responsibility. So as i look at desteni material i will self-forgive.<br />
I had always been afraid for reading another's self forgiveness. Sometimes i would hope it would change me. But it has no special powers. I realzie that im the real powerhouse here. The physical as me anyway. I can use the physical as me to change and become physical, because of equality. You are equal to what you participate in. Mind or body? choose. Lol. No contest.<br />
thanks for readingUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-72023774020834350412011-10-19T19:32:00.000-07:002011-10-19T19:32:34.508-07:00My mom likes to watch Rachel Maddow.I have been watching the news recently on tv. My mom likes to watch Rachel Maddow. The 99& percent movement has been going on for 1 month now. My mom's very enthusiatic about it. From my perspective they will sadly achieve nothing. Because they don't have a solution. If they were given power to decide what will happen, waht can they say? The funny thing, which is also sad, is that there has also been people negativley affected/neglected by this very system. Poeple are probly to scared to change, let alone think of it. Children are really good at thinking of new ways and of ways to change things. But soon after they lose it due to the schooling process. Equal money is the answer. No need to waste time discussing. Starting considering for yourself. What is the best way to live for life? Together. How will we treat each others? Equally. How will get the things we need? With Money. Who will work? everyone. Why? the reasons are endless and to ask why is pointless, because look at your life, do you ask why you live or work or eat? The real question, now that's settled, is how to achieve what's best.<br />
Support the progress to perfection<br />
Support Equal Money<br />
-YoganUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-28343605648690555342011-10-17T19:42:00.000-07:002011-10-17T19:42:57.709-07:00Hi readerI support an equal money system because its the safest, fastest and best move for transition. Because humans need to change and they need a platform or base to change from. Like any child, we need support. Redistribution of wealth is not any kind of a solution. A real solution is a change of base or structure of living. We could change the money to the value of life and so be supported everyone. We could live happily free of stress, etc...<br />
How we get there is by voting. And then standing as a willing participant in such a system of equality. We all will need to give so that the youth may learn of what it means to be life to be equal. Its simple. Just stand. Breath and go for it.<br />
thanksUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-90486612315865160622011-10-07T17:18:00.000-07:002011-10-07T17:18:17.759-07:00I would like to start off by describing the mind, because it will support me in identifying and stopping the mind. To start right off the bat, the mind has its own way of doing things and does not care for the well being of myself and others. Saying this makes me angry at the mind, but when i look at it, the mind is not in position to care about what it does. It just does things according to its systems that i have accepted and allowed and even was an active participant in. And this makes me angry too, which shows who i am really angry at, myself. Because i am responsible in the end for what the mind supposedly did. It was really me who do it, really. Even though it was a passive acceptance. I forgive myself for being angry at myself for what the mind did. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry at myself for having been an active participant in creating the systems of the mind. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the mind for the actions I carried out and lived as myself for all of my life. I take responsibility now, once and for all and do it happily as me.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-74517694984453842062011-10-07T00:19:00.000-07:002011-10-07T00:19:24.590-07:00One-night.Hi, I want to make this blogpost inorder to place before me in writing how i was behaving and experiencing myself tonight. To summarize tonight, i read a quarter of a philosophy paper on Science, baked a key lime pie, picked up my sister from school, and finally played a football video game with my cousin who unexpectedly dropped by. My original intention for reading an essay from my philosophy of science book was to have something to write about. While reading the introduction of a chapter i found it easy enough and was surprised by that fact. Though im not able to remember what the subject was exactly. I only remember it was on scientific laws and the degree to which we know them as true. Are they necessary or contingent? Stuff like that. There are many authors in this chapter but the one that provoked me to read was Cartwright. He claimed that all scientific laws are false since they do not accurately make true statements of reality due to their descriptive nature. Scientific laws are very simplified view holes of the way things are. They intend to explain things by creating a simple law which never alone can account for the reality of things. So in this way they lose the whole picture, more bluntly the actual picture. Not a single thing can be described alone by a law as we have it. This is a reflection of how human beings currently think. They try to simplify their world at the cost of living outside of the reality of the situation of things.<br />
<br />
I started with my pie making and prepared the crust I made on oil based pastry crust. It worked out better then i could ever hope for. I never made a pastry crust of oil before and normally (normally in the sense of when i used to bake pies 4 years ago) i used shortening to make the flaky pastry crust, we know and love. I made rad apple pies years ago. Tonight i made my first ever key-lime pie. I made several mistakes. One was out of ignorance which i only realized by chance. When beating egg yolk i was supposed to do it on high for 5 min. Instead I had beaten it like a egg for breakfast. My other mistake was carelessness. When beating egg whites, if a single speck of fat is present then it won't whip. I used a dirty mixer that had oil present. So i ruined the meringue. I never enjoyed cooking. I only ever did it for the food. And the taste. It was reason enough for this pie. I also do it sometimes for others as a sign of love, my grandma for example.<br />
<br />
I picked up my sister today since my mom was so tired. Tonight was my third time driving out today. Night driving is more difficult. My cousin tagged along so i had to pay careful attention to not be distracted. The driving went alright the first turn i made though i over calculated it. When we got home i eventually played three matches all in which he whipped my butt. I got angry in the third game. I wasn't angry at him i was angry at me. When i forgave myself, however, i played better. Self anger is not productive.<br />
Thanks for reading,<br />
cya <br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-53679937728472796052011-10-06T09:08:00.000-07:002011-10-06T09:08:31.871-07:00No one can take this away from me...Hi, so this is a blog post after a long absence from blogging. I blog to assist me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not make the most of each day. I need to blog consistently to support my-self and others too. I realize now, the power of my blogging and words. Because my words are very powerful. They are statements i live by. Just in the same way i have done things which i have and still regret and the actions thereof cannot be erased, my words too stand. I would recommend blogging to anyone and everyone.<br />
One thing i regret doing is never having the courage to tell a friend the feelings i experienced when with her. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid to tell a person i experienced feelings when around this person. This was a grave act of self-dishonesty. And now its corrected. I am no longer afraid of saying what i experienced in a moment to another person. Though it will never be a direct reason for entering an agreement with someone, having feelings for him/her. The statement i made, i intend to live it fully, that is what makes it an act of self-honesty. If i fail to live it, meaning i do not correct myself through action and self-forgiveness, that i do not completely live it as a changed me, then i will be self-dishonest.<br />
I have been studying Portuguese recently. I spent a time in Brazil with family living there and I have a book with me to study grammar. I also have been looking at an English grammar book. To better understand the language structurally. I am afraid of having a poor structure in writing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having a poor structure or no structure in writing at all. I have reworked my tendency to produce ambiguous sentences or sentences that run off or cut off. Mainly i would make passive sentences. Which is fine in some contexts when i intend the meaning in that way. But it is not fine when i do not intend it or the reader does not receive my intention. Here's a quick tip: when writing or speaking English the subject of a sentence always come first so that: The bird flew over the house. The <u>subject</u> is 'bird.' The <u>predicate</u> is 'flew'. I tended to say things passively, meaning i would say things such as: the house was flown over by the bird. I have made the decision to change the way i speak, and even look so as to accommodate society so that they are willing to give me a chance to be heard in the way i intended to be. The message of equality is a message spoken and written in a language and we are bound by the language. We also can create a new language and learn to speak passively or actively. I simply am becoming aware of how to best use English to best express me. So in any English sentence the subject comes first. The 'house' becomes the subject and 'was' becomes the predicate. Here is something worth sharing. When i spoke of equality in Spanish or Portuguese, it seemed i made more sense. This may be because i was using words that were not programmed with altered definitions like in English, but i was speaking purely with the simple words i had. As we become zombified as kids, we create very emotional ways of speaking and we use words to create reactions within us or others. Because i learned a language in college and because i was applying some lessons from what i learned of desteni vids I applied learning words as sound as me. I would learn a word through the sound of the word and would allow it to resonate as me here. In essence i created it pure or as it really is. So this is what i need to do with English words. To clean up the dirt that i created which is our emotions and feelings. Which is energy. Which is very limited and compressed/suppressed me.<br />
I am the key to the lock that is me. <br />
Locked within a mind.<br />
I will no longer be just a mind living for energy.<br />
My action is a key so is my breath.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-464051723305121122011-06-12T17:49:00.000-07:002011-06-12T17:49:05.642-07:00Yesterday at 10:20pm we, my cousin, my mom and I, left the house to go to Key Largo. There were three whales that were recovering and were being held by volunteers. They were literally held with our/the volunteers hands. They had been beached and were being held in this marine conservatory. They were in ocean water and facing the beach so they were not in a tank of water like in a zoo. They were still young calf. I mainly decided to volunteer because it was a in the moment decision that yeah that sounds about right, im doing that. It was not from any starting point of desire or for fun. I stopped such points regarding volunteer work.<br />
When we got there i had to wait for a while before it was my turn to hold the whales. What you do is just stand there in the water and have two hands on the whale in order to help it stay up from the water so that it can breath easily from it blowhole. It really is simple but i can't describe it too well. When we were explained it to there was a stuffed dolphin for purposes of demonstration. If i tried to explain, I would say that primary position is holding the whale with two hands leaning against your hip from the whales' side behind the flippers. One hand is at the base of the flipper the other on its dorsal fin, like a shark fin. Two or three people were holding each whale. Today my mom said that the whale's breathing is just like Sunnette's, the portal. My mom knows fairly well about the portal and the messages, but she cannot grasp that the physical is the key. I could say she is too bent on love. She still believes deeply that certain saints become enlighten through serving and loving others. So the point she made about the portal was the whale's hold their breath, which my mom noticed is exactly how Spies's does it. The whale i was holding would jolt whenever i would not stay here as breath! It was rather cool. I would drift from this reality and make a judgment about the whale and at the exact moment the whale twitched. This was consistent and was supportive.<br />
When i was sitting and waiting for my turn to go in I was dealing with a point of thought and reaction. It was to this girl who upon appearance you think, wow she definitely loves the whales on a personal level. That she was made to do this. I had a thought upon seeing this reaction, that i was preprogrammed to see that about her. This was something i was accepting and allowing within myself. So i looked to stop. I remember breathing and focusing on myself here and listening. I did not give her any special attention within my mind. Who i am is what i do. That is who i really am. Thinking about something or someone, and loving something or someone is not real and is not something done. Therefore it is not who you really are.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-58474674445828128412011-05-31T23:25:00.000-07:002011-05-31T23:25:02.682-07:00A year long lesson on feelings (memory)<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Before I made the commitment to ask Kattje out I had second thoughts and worries. Was I doing the right thing? Was it simply a point of desire? These worries are emotions. Later when I decided to go through with it I was happy and excited. I made a card for her and I also “overcame” my doubts. I was gonna be committed to her and committed to standing as myself in the relationship. These statements of commitments and feelings were feelings. We were existing in a really unusual side of polarity. I stood as feelings, I stood as energy. I did not realize this until now some year and half later. During the time I did feel that something was imbalanced and I tried to voice my concern with her. But the problem was I did not know what the problem was. This situation was very unusual and I have not been in this situation before. Previously I had existed highly in emotions, which were obvious. Emotions just seem more noticeable and in a way more undesirable. Feelings seemed to me to be the right way to go. But its not, its still polarity and thus suppresses emotions which I still experience over 6 months later after the breakup. Feelings are the deceptive side of energy. At least emotions are clear, like the demons. Feelings act just like the white light, it is highly deceptive and I recommend everyone to be extremely careful. No one is existing as life because no one can stand infinitely yet. This is certainly a wake up call. I have much I could right on the feelings I have participated even within Desteni material. I honestly did not know or had I good idea what feelings were. I knew they included love and happiness. But I had not seen where I explicitly participate in this point and the actual experience of me as feelings. This I recommend to be noticed by everyone. The experience of feelings was very surprising for me. I had not considered these experiences as feelings previously but after a week of being in Miami and after several experience online in facebook and youtube, I had been able through what the desteniiprocess course says on feelings and emotions, which is the polarity design of emotions and feelings, I could see where I had participated previously in a emotion but then a feeling arose after. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize i have been participating in the polarity design of feelings and emotions all my life. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I must stop feelings not just emotions.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-61039719497624722912011-05-27T21:22:00.000-07:002011-05-27T21:26:47.940-07:00I write on the beginning of my day then I digress into behavioral psychology and speak on some school where teachers are a thing of the past. I also face self-doubt<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal"> So im gonna write this despite of having some resistance in the form of having the excuse that no major points came up today and today was a nice day. I woke up hearing my mom and brother working on something. After hearing them talk about some work they are working on I had a feeling/reaction of not wanting to get out of bed. I was afraid of them getting me to work. Within my family our mom constantly ask us to work. Its not that she constantly ask us to work, which is actually rarely, but rather when she asks us she does so in a nagging/constant way where she keeps poking us looking for a response. Normally when she asks us to work we freeze and resist. Here is this experience of freezing and not wanting to work, which arises. First there is a freezing and then arises a feeling of not wanting to work which possesses me. I can speak for myself but from observation my brother and sister something similar occurs, though my brother is more readily wanting to help carrying grocieries for example of mowing the lawn. My mom said that when I left for college my brother was more willing to help my mother inhis way. He is still quiet about responding and actually enjoy my mother asking him, which is seen when he smiles in saying STOP, or in his words saying he does not like to help, yet he smiles when saying this. I realize this smiling comes from my mom’s sweet natured manner which is annoying. </div><div class="MsoNormal"> So this morning I decided to walk out to the bathroom and get ready, telling myself I do not have to help them work. I also know that there is no free choice, there is just who you are acting in an environment being who you are. Anyway, I breathed through my fear and woke up. I focused a bit on food, I had some thoughts on minecraft, which I did not self-forgive for. Let me do this now. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts on minecraft. I also had some thoughts which were dream related. In the morning when I wake having been dreaming I am very much mind based/ picture based, and not applying myself here fully as breath. Today I did apply breath affectively when helping my grandmother with manual labor. So when I got out of the bathroom my cousin was there and my mom and brother were upstairs doing something. When I was sitting on the toilet I saw that there was water dripping from the ceiling in the corner by the door. I realized this may be from the AC. I had also seen some water drip the nite before but had not thought much of it since it was so little. I went upstairs and I realized that they were working on the Ac, my mom was talking with my dad about it. I had one time helped my dad clean the AC pipe. Its this PC pipe that can get clogged, so what you do is pour chlorine inside which unclogs it. That’s what they were doing and I had glanced at the chlorine. I told my mom and brother (mostly addressing my mom) about there was water dripping in the bathroom. My brother responded with: We’re one step ahead of you. It was said in my brother’s tone that, Oh really? Guess what, we’re one step ahead of you. Me and my brother has always been competitive. Bu that’s a bigger story. So one small point within what just happened is that I have this mom calling. (mom call like bird call) Where I say MAE! Or Mom. It does not have to be so obvious. When I was saying, mae? There is water dripping In the bathroom. This questioning and explicit searching for my mom to tell her the information that I have for her so that she can do something about it is something very habitual and ingrained in me. Fortunately I can say: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct all concerns regarding physical problems in the house to my mom, where in my head I figure my mom is most capable to handle this because she is mom, not because she is in fact most capable. I will also just say I will incorporate all my fingers when typing in order to learn how to use them in order to not place so much stress on my two index fingers and perhaps eventually type faster. <br />
I am very happy that there is a school where all the kids learn everything on there own. That just goes to show that humans are amazing when placed in an environment where to have equal access to everything and generally well supported. Through studies and experience many great thinkers such as Albert Einstein and others have realized the evil of capitalism and the effects of meat on the body. It is really basic commonsense but commonsense is only accessible when one is not emotional or feeling or thinking. It has to be Self Here. It is true that this school does not promote such commonsense and hopes the kids just gets it own they’re own. And perhaps they do? What are the chances they end their own pre-programmed minds? I would say they were better off than kids in public schools. For one, I am responsible for me. Only I am capable of that. I baby I would say is also self-responsible. They are just unable to walk, eat on there own, but still no matter what, Self- is always self-responsible. The school is a democratic school, which seems great. Equal money has to be placed according to democracy and do what is best for all. The rules in the school are all subject to change and kids have all the power but it is all one man/woman one vote. Which is awesome really. In the farm, I have not visited but im guessing all rules are enforced based on the perspective what is best for all. Whether this can be discussed can only be done so from what is most practical also I left out most effective. I considered for a moment where can I leave my dished here for later to wash. I can see it is most effective to wash in the moment whenever possible, otherwise one may forget. The only argument is if one wants to practice remembering to do something. Well, it seems that energy is used to want to forget and the best way to deal with it is simply ending it through breathing and directing oneself according to what is best for all. The kids of the school I was mentioning are obviously affected outside of school by TV for example also perhaps drugs and alcohol. This does not seem prevalent, but who am I to say? Obviously the first few years of a child are important and younger kids are better to adjust to a democratic school with no teachers. Is real joy enough for a kid to avoid Tv, drugs, alcohol and stick with real people in the real world? <br />
I started talking about this school because I was stating I will type with all my fingers in order to be more effective typer. I felt confident in me as a human at seeing what other fellow humans have accomplished with no classrooms or teachers. Having an education without teachers is itself invaluable, because it teaches self-independence. I have always felt dependent on the system, to the point of being hopeless by myself learning. I feel that desire for learning or finding interesting things to learn has been squashed out of me. I enjoyed school because I enjoyed being the best, or being better than another. I enjoyed the competition and being easily better than others. My brother is like that too. The same feeling is for online gaming where one does win explicitly.<br />
Should education be based on the same mentality as sports/ online games? This is what the money system is based on. Winning. Even online addictive games are about winning by finishing the game. Behavioral psychology was really Big. At one time entire psychology departments were filled with only behavioral psychologists (at universities). I have a really good hunch that what they found completely describes what teachers were taught and the entire education system as we know it today. The Main idea is positive reinforcement. Kids when they do well are positively re-enforced (this is basically a science) This has been experimentally tested with rats and pellets. There are even books on it for training dogs. Funny story, I professor of behavior psychology was re-enforced by his students to teach standing in the left side of the chalkboard with his hands in the air. The reward was nodding and smiling or grunts. This was done without him realizing. This just goes to show how programmed we are. One of my first youtube vids was on this, and behavioral psychology, Its titled Rats in a cage. So the downside with this is how does this fair with a roomful of students where a teacher cannot possibly have enough time to speak and positively reinforce each and every single one of the twenty or so students. Also the students are positively reinforcing themselves when they see they have done better than another and feel proud as if answering a question the teacher raised and being the first to answer!. It complete competition bullshit. I see this clearly and saw this long ago. I am one vote for an education system based on what is best for all. A child having access to peers, as equals, and practical self-supportive information. Novels can be self-supporting. Peers are great teachers. What is best for all is also experiencing self-support, and self-responsibility. In an equal money system once one have a taste for this as a child, you can’t imagine humans ever did it another way. No more Hitlers in the classroom. Teachers are equal to what they do as what is best for all. Students too. We the adults will have to be the first ones to do what is best for all.<br />
Do kids naturally do what I best for all? No they are robots too. They experience life but they also experience energy and emotions and feelings. With a proper vocabulary to no longer support energy and differentiate a real experience versus a mental one will have tremendous support for children. But language is typically learned starting immediately after birth. So the parents and other speakers in the child’s environment will have tremendous influence. Obviously those who have walked the path of facing the mind would have the proper perspective and vocabulary that would support children’s first years. Are children and Adults equals? No anyone, including any adult, is equal to themselves as how they stand for life. If both people stand for life they are equal in they’re standing, assuming they sincerely and completely standing for life. But one person could stand as life, then they are not equal anymore. This world is really fucked-up and complicated.<br />
I doubt myself constantly whether I am actually standing for and as life and whether I am missing anything. For example I get worried that most males won’t make process and that I try and excuse that fear by saying I am not really much of a male and have rather feminine side to me. IF I IN ANYWAY SEE SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES CORRECTING IN ME I WILL CORRECT IT. AFTER SOME TIME OF WALKING I WILL BUILD SELF_TRUST AND WILL NO LONGER HAVE DOUBTS BOUT ME> I look forward to that day. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1896289561720707893.post-56713017473387834832011-05-23T16:17:00.000-07:002011-05-23T16:17:37.966-07:00Be the key<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">I am writing to assist and support myself as life. I was going to say I want to stop the mind consciousness system. But that would be a point of desire. Therefore I stop wanting to stop the mind consciousness system. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the desire of stopping the mind consciousness system. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not being able to stop the mind if I forgave wanting to stop the mind. I am actually, within forgiving myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire stopping the mind, I am stoping the mind. Isn’t that funny. Humor, I recently thought, should be done in simplicity. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that humor should be done in simplicity. Humor simply arises as self-expression which occurs in self-honesty and self-honesty is applied in moments when I am silent within me, my inner reality. I have not done self-forgiveness as how I have done here, for believing in the confirmation of my intuition. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that within accepting and allowing myself to limit myself to requiring the confirmation of my intuition I imply a statement where I do not trust myself to lose myself and find myself again. In other words there is fear of messing up and wasting time. There is a physical unconscious fear which has manifested as a relationship to this intuition of the physical. I hear knocking and feel pain in my body. They are not natural and have a life of their own. I was always wondering about these intuitions. They even lead to me desteni is some sense. Though I know they are either the physical itself or the interdimensional or physical demons. I know they are here to fuck with me and to test me. Well, here I stand as unconditional forgiveness. I take absolute self-responsibility for this reality. I am one and equal to this entire reality. All life is me one and equal. I am also one and equal to my experience. There is no more running from the truth, I am here. Who am I? I am myself, here. </div><div class="MsoNormal">Self-forgiveness is the key. What was written here should be enough proof for you to know. So Have At It Then. </div><div class="MsoNormal">~</div><div class="MsoNormal">Within deciding things such as what am I going to do now, or what would be good for me to do, I see that there exist a dependence on my intuition. Cause I am addressing my intuition when I ask this question to myself. There is then a silence, very short, then I usually have a thought. THIS PROVES (lol caps by accs) that all intuition is bullshit, at least the one I use. Because it really is the mind. Within Desteni courses there is the SRA course which teaches muscle communication. In no way is this an example of intuition but is direct communication with clear results once one has practiced and proved this and thus built self-trust within asking specific questions within looking for specific answers. So stop depending on things. I would even say not to depend on yourself. Why is there need of dependence when one is directing Self? </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Do you depend on food? Yes. Can you direct yourself as food? NO. Lol. So you can direct yourself in eating which you depend since you can’t provide that to yourself.(yet, if humans ever learn to stop eating as one, (but this is no longer eating)) The very idea of eating is dependence, you or I can’t escape that. So if you eat you depend on someone else, who you are eating. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then the question is what does Self consists in? One and equal, all of existence is Self. So there is no real dependence in the sense of enslavement which is the very nature of the mind consciousness system since all of existence is Self supporting Self one and Equal. There are some interesting articles on food as support for life. Carrots, for example, support the stabilization of self here for self to remain more easily. Remember food is one and equal to you as life. It is here to assist and support you as equals as life to bring about a new world, the world that should have been long ago but never did due to our acceptance and allowance of our programming. We are here to rectify this. We stand as life as all as one and as equals. For further support visit the Desteni.co.za website. The articles I mentioned are found there, among with many others on a range of topics. Use the search bar and search food. Enjoy! </div><div class="MsoNormal">~</div><div class="MsoNormal">I admire Ann. The one from Desteni. I know this is a form of enslavement so I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave myself to another through admiration of the person. This is not the same as respect. I could respect a person for what they walked and shared and their standing as a person in process. There could only be respect for a person’s standing of equality and walking as equality and sharing as equality. These are very clear to see given one has shared oneself online. Depending on how long one stands one can start to trust such a person in further standing and walking. That’s cool. Real trust can start to emerge. In an agreement its something else entirely. But I have yet to experienced it. What I have seen from June and Leon is that agreements are really effective. What I have observed is that it is in no way easy, there will be lots of resistance, because for once they physical will be experienced without love-dubby feelings. There will be no hiding the truth. Lol. The naked truth. But its true, its about exposing self and self’s constructs, thoughts, judgments. And im sure its freeing and intimacy must surely be experienced. </div><div class="MsoNormal">~</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I have this construct which ill call the preaching/teaching construct which I preach/teach the truth/my truth. When your having someone that’s is talking about the truth or truth, that’s a red flag. There is no truth. Doing what is best for all is not a truth, its simply a principle one lives. Since this is our principle, there can be no truth. There are perspectives but no truth. This should be sufficient enough to prove my point, (an expression). By the fact that my expression is claiming a truth shows our language is built on having opinions, beliefs, and answers. But these things do not do what is best for all. They are not a principle of do what is best for all life. We could say that the answer to all the world problems is living what is best for all in any given moment. But is that really an answer. Is there a question, what answer would serve the question “how do we bring about world peace?” and the answer is knowing the factual information do what is best for all life. Is that a truth? Is that a living reality in this world? No its not. That proves there are no truths; there are no answers for such a question as something that resembles truth. </div><div class="MsoNormal">Here’s a really good example of preaching/teaching the truth/my truth:</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">Its certainly important to be acquainted with forgiveness and at least know roughly how to apply effectively. Its best to know already how to always apply self-forgiveness but this knowing is easy in the sense that’s its simply pushing. Is pushing easy? Its simple. Lol. Its probably easier when one has good relationship with one’s breath. </div><div class="MsoNormal">As what can clearly be seen it is full of speculation. Its also based on knowledge as a timeline of events. Consider: first you need to know self-forgiveness OH and also apply it effectively. Also, there is no real support provided here as a living example as an expression through writing that demonstrates one’s own introspection. Enjoy!</div><div class="MsoNormal">~</div><div class="MsoNormal">So I was scratching my face, my nose and chin in particular. I was scratching a pimple on my chin on the right side of my face and the right nostril too. I was not aware I was doing this because I was thinking about something. I then considered that me not being aware of what I was doing is a sign of me not living here. There exist the fear of losing myself, which when I was writing this I was accidently almost writing love (wrote lov). So love, you also lose yourself in love. You fall in love meaning you lose yourself. Strangly enough, whenever I considered someone worthy of my falling in love, I fell hard in love or in my crush. </div><div class="MsoNormal">I finished the discussion in my head due to needing to go eat. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0